Process

“Consider it all joy my brethren, when you encounter various trails,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

James 1:2-3

*First of all I don’t expect this to make any sense to anyone who reads it and it’s really more for me.

Just thought I’d put this at the beginning as a little disclaimer.

It’s amazing and often times humbling to see God do what He does in my life. I look back over specific things and am just awestruck at how and why He did the things He has done in my life. Usually my relationship with God is going well and that has been especially true for the last couple of months. I honestly can say I’ve never sought the Lord more and walked closer to him than I have over this period of time. It’s been an incredible blessing to see Him answer prayer after prayer in ways I never thought He would. I think that’s why the last week has been one of the most strenuous and emotional draining one’s that I can remember. At first I was quite angry with God and I let Him know it. For me it wasn’t fair that I was having to do things this way at all and that it was completely His fault for allowing things to go this way. Looking back I see how ignorant and short sighted that was but it’s what I needed Him to know at that point. I wanted Him to hear “my piece” and I couldn’t help but feel like Job. Nothing in my circumstances even remotely resembled why Job was crying out to God but my heart cry felt just as justified in my own mind as Job’s did. I also fully understood that God could give me a verbal lashing as He did Job but I was ready for that and perhaps even wanted that just to know that He knew how much I was torn up on the inside over everything. I desired for Him to acknowledge the struggle I was going through and to comfort me even if it meant being beaten up by His word. While I was beaten up a little by His word throughout the past week and last couple of days I saw more of His comforter side through His word. I had already faced this scripture before but it was at a time where I was not currently going through a struggle in my life so it was all head knowledge that I so loathe. I now know what it is for this to hit my heart and to live it out which has been one of the many blessings He’s shown me through this particular trial. It’s actually hit me in the heart and now I can actually apply this scripture to my situation and look up to the Father and say “Ok God. I know you have me in this for a reason. I’m not asking you to get me out of it and I’m not even asking you to speed this up but rather what do you want me to get out of this?”. It took me a little bit to get to this point but I feel I’ve finally reached it and it feels amazingly joyful. I’m still not happy with it and I still don’t want to do it this way but I’ve found joy in it as James talks about in the verses above. Joy is not happiness in the Biblical sense but rather it’s that we as Christians know God has neither lost interest nor forgotten about the problem’s I’m going through even if I don’t necessarily feel happy. I know my God does care and that He is bringing me through this to teach me and show me things in my life which is bringing me closer to Him. It’s not something that happens overnight or quickly by any means but it’s a place we all have to reach during the period of time we face these obstacles.

This is a time that God has allowed to happen and my heart’s desire is to get out what He desires for me to get out of it. It’s not what I want to do nor the way I want to do it, but it’s something that God is using to bring me closer to Him. That’s the very definition of a blessing! It’s crazy how we as Christian’s and people in general are always looking forward to the next thing in life, whatever it may be, when the Lord is telling us to rather focus on what’s currently going on and use it to grow closer to Him. His desire for us is to be Holy and to not miss what He’s doing in the process! We are so used to asking the Lord, during these times, why I’m here and how the heck do I get out instead of focusing on what He wants us to get out of being in that spot to begin with! The process of the Lord leading us through things is so crucial to the entire story God is telling but most of the time we want to skip over that part so we can be comfortable. God never came to this world to make you comfortable or happy all the time. He came to build you into the person He desires you to be and these processes, as much as I can’t stand them and as much as the infuriate me, are exactly what we need to be used by Him.